"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."

"I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world."

"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it."

"You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time."

"Peace is not an absence of war, it is a virtue, a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence, confidence, justice."

"Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others."

"People ask me if I've ever been called a Nazi. I answer that no one has ever had dreams of being tied down and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal."

"Gray hair is God's graffiti."

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble...for the Lord, your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."

"Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair."