"Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."

"Good things don't end in 'eum,' they end in 'mania'...or 'teria'."

"I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn."

"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?' I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."

"Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix."

"What if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder."

"Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast."

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

"The greatest things in the world are those that neither men nor children can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there."

"Whatever you think, be sure it is what you think; whatever you want, be sure that is what you want; whatever you feel, be sure that is what you feel."

"To decide, to be at the level of choice, is to take responsibility for your life and to be in control of your life."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."