"It takes 15,000 nuts to hold a car together, but only one to spread it all over the highway."

"Violence is a tool of the ignorant."

"Funny is an attitude."

"The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down."

"You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine."

"The devil made me do it."

"Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be."

"All Bibles are man-made."

"By faithful study of the nobler arts, our nature's softened, and more gentle grows."

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."

"Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash."

"If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now."