"If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his friendships in constant repair."

"Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable."

"While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it."

"A cucumber should be well-sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out."

"In order that all men may be taught to speak truth, it is necessary that all likewise should learn to hear it."

"Anybody who thinks of going to bed before 12 o'clock is a scoundrel."

"When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves."

"We must laugh before we are happy, for fear we die before we laugh at all."

"He who lives by the sword, will eventually be wiped out by some bastard with a sawn off shotgun"

"Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly."

"The pain of dispute exceeds, by much, its utility. All disputation makes the mind deaf, and when people are deaf I am dumb."

"PREVARICATOR, n. A liar in the caterpillar estate."